Tranquility
by sunflowerb
Summary: There was something about being awash in the light of dawn that was much akin to her presence. Maybe, without even knowing it, she was some kind of angel, sent here to remind him that he was not beyond forgiveness... oneshot. kaiku-ish. implied sokairiku.


**A/N: So this started out trying to be a RiKairi. Unfortunately, somewhere along the line my sokai bias started to make the story flow much better than being a rikai. It actually worked much better being the odd, sokairiku mix that it is now. To rikai shippers, please give it a try. It's not dripping in sokai fluff or anything. In fact, it's really not fluffy at all, but that's how it's supposed to be. It's purpose isn't exactly to be a romance fic. I fear it's painfully generic, but maybe that's just me being paranoid. I've had this idea for the longest time, and it's taken me this long to pull it together completely. Parts of this are very, very, _very _loosely inspired by the book The Shack by William Young, which I HIGHLY reccomend, btw. I can't exactly say _how,_ only that reading that book I had some ideas to make this oneshot work. I digress, on with the story.**

**Oneshot, kaiku-ish. Implied sokairiku.**

**_EDIT PLEASE READ_: Okay...so Sunny messed up a little bit. Windracer alerted me to the fact that I accidentally made it look a bit like I'm getting on a religeous soap box here. While I am a Christian, and by no means ashamed of that, I didn't mean for that to be a focus of this fic. Therefore, I would like to point out that the spiritual references made within are there for the purpose of highlighting Riku's relationship with Kairi and the way he thinks of her, as well as his dealing with his guilt and accepting his friends' forgiveness, even after all that he has done. Sorry if I have managed to step on any toes; I assure you, I didn't mean it that way.**

_Tranquility_

In Riku's opinion, it was one of the most beautiful times of the day. The whole world was quiet, tranquil, and expectant, but not in an anxious or excited way. It was like the world knew and acknowledged that the dawn was about to break, but it wasn't waiting for the sun. It was tired of the night and it silently accepted the coming day.

Whereas the sunrise and sunset both were accompanied by energetic symphonies of color, the early morning was heralded by the simple melodies of tranquil grays. They were not sad grays, they were content grays—something peaceful that had not yet fully awoken.

Life seemed so simple in those early hours. It was worth rising so early just to sit and immerse himself in the calm. I t was best enjoyed when he was well-rested—just like the world around him. It required going to bed sometimes ridiculously early, but he was rather sick of the twilight anyway. He preferred to watch this time from the old bent paopu tree, even though, or perhaps because, the sun rose on the opposite side of the island. But here he could enjoy the early stillness for longer times—before all the energy of the sunrise purged the calm with its vibrance.

It was this soft hour that made his mind separate the terms "Dawn", "Sunrise", and "Morning". The Morning was when the world was waking up and getting out of bed. It was still a time of calm, but it had a hint of hustle and bustle to it—the world was awake and the day had begun. The sunrise had no calmness to it. It was energy. It was the time when the world was stretching its arms wide and proclaiming that it had stored up energy during the night, before it fell back into bed for the calmness of morning.

But dawn; it was something else. It came before sunrise, and Riku had never really agreed that it "broke". He rather thought his keyblade's name summed it up better—"The Way to the Dawn". Dawn came gradually. It was like being half-asleep or half-awake, but still in a state of rest. It was the process of getting a little less asleep, but it was not the same as waking up. The soft, tranquil light of day would begin to hum up from beyond the world. The light would be just enough to define the edges of the world, but not enough to bathe it in color. A sort of a wash of gray; gentle like the color of peace; that was the world at dawn. The world seemed empty, but not void; alone, but not lonesome.

Riku released a gentle sigh, and stared out at the open grey waters. His instincts suddenly flared as the creak of the planks of the wooden bridge temporarily broke the early morning stillness. He jerked his head around, and his hand twitched, ready to whip forth his weapon if needed.

Instantly his fears were hushed as a gentle smile greeted him. He could not have explained her appearance that day. Naturally her coloring was vibrant—crimson locks and sapphire eyes set against porcelain skin. Yet in the early morning calm her vibrancy was cooled somewhat—not dulled, just cooled. There was something more gentle and tranquil to her energy at this hour. She continued towards him, stumbling once, and Riku grinned clandestinely at her talent for tripping over flat surfaces.

"Good morning," she said softly in that voice which sounded as if it had just been twinkled out by a music box. She took a seat on the ground beside him and rested her head on the trunk of the tree.

"Good morning," he returned. Normally he would have replied with a curt "Mornin'", but something in the dawn's calm stilled him. He knew the stillness was what was keeping the awkwardness from pervading the conversation.

"Do you get up this early often?" Kairi asked, closing her eyes as she settled more comfortably against the tree.

"Most mornings," he turned his head to watch her. "I like this time of day."

Kairi hummed in agreement. "Me too. It's very peaceful. I'm not much of a morning person, but there is something very nice about this time of morning. I try to see it every once in a while." A small smile peeked at the corner of her pink lips. "I bet I know why it's so calm this morning." She paused for a brief moment, as if expecting Riku to make some comment about it. When she received no reply, she continued nonplussed with, "Because Sora isn't up this early." A grin spread across her features as she opened her eyes to turn and look at Riku, obviously expecting her friend to express some sort of acknowledgement of her humor. To her surprise, she found him staring at the ground beside her left hand with an almost frustrated expression. Her joyful grin faded as concern took its place.

"Riku," she began, "Are you--"

"No. I want you to stop this, all of you. Stop all this pretending like nothing ever happened! How can you sit here and talk about the time of day when you've never said a thing about what's happened? About what I did?!" Riku kept his glare trained on the ground, not wanting to inflict it on Kairi.

His companion was silent for only a brief moment. "Forgive and forget, Riku. It's what friends do."

He got the feeling that she was trying to regain eye contact, but Riku still refused to look at her. "And after everything, how can you really forgive me? How can you still be my friend?" The words came harshly, angrily, and some part of Riku hoped that Kairi understood that it wasn't her he was angry with, but himself.

"Riku---"

"After all, it was my fault you lost your heart. If I hadn't---"

"Riku." He was cut off by her whisper. There was something in the quality of her voice that he hadn't heard before. Some kind of wisdom and innocence that made her sound both very old and very young at the same time. "The past is unalterable. It is not something you should dwell on."

"But--"

"Someone had to lose their heart that night." Once again the quality of her soft statement stopped him.

"What?" his voice came out as barely a whisper, but he knew she had heard him.

"Someone had to lose their heart that night, Riku. And it was supposed to have been you."

Riku felt anger rise up within him. "What do you mean by that?" he shouted, breaking the early morning tranquility.

Kairi barely flinched. She turned her soft sapphire eyes to look at him, and he noticed water pooling in the corners.

"You were the one who opened the door and let the darkness in," her soft voice cracked and she continued in a whisper. "By all accounts the darkness should have gobbled you up as soon as enough of it had spread into this world." She took a shaky breath. "I never wanted you to feel guilty about it, but I had to dosomethingIjustcouldn't--" Riku cut off her tearful rambling, shushing her.

"Kairi, what are you talking about?" The dawn's stillness settled over them once again as Kairi calmed herself to continue.

"Why should the darkness have wasted its power trying to consume a heart already so close to the edge of the darkness, one certainly doomed to fall eventually," her whispers grew more unstable as they continued, "when its forces were so perfectly poised to take a heart of pure light, especially one that had wandered so willingly into its presence?"

Riku was shocked into silence as he digested what Kairi had just told him.

"So," he began, his mind searching for the proper words, "are you saying that you…"

"I didn't exactly consciously know what I was doing, no. But some part of me knew that something bad was happening, and that something was going to happen to someone, and that if it happened to me, I'd be alright, but if it happened to anyone else...they wouldn't."Kairi stared out toward the ocean. The world was getting a little lighter, but the pre-sunrise peace was still blanketing the world in its tranquil hush. "I didn't know that all of…_that_ would happen, really. I didn't understand it until later; but something in me knew enough that I had to do something."

"So…" Riku began, finding her words difficult to process, as if they were in a foreign language that he only knew a few words in, "are you saying…you came out to the islands that night with that purpose of losing your heart?"

Kairi shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I did…whether I knew it or not." A humorless smile crept onto her lips briefly, but disappeared as soon as she looked at his stoic expression.

"Did you know the sacrifice you were making?" he asked, finding it harder and harder to be gentle.

Kairi took a deep breath and let it out slowly, her crystal eyes never once leaving his of cold aquamarine. "I told you before, Riku. Someone had to lose their heart that night. I suppose my heart knew it before I did. There had to be a reason a Princess of Heart was sent to this world."

Riku could feel the warmth of her soul melting the ice away from his. She was such a beautiful person-inside and out. A question that had piqued his curiosity earlier resurfaced, and he asked, "Did you always know you were a Princess of Heart?"

Kairi looked taken aback by the question. She furrowed her brow and looked away, thinking. "I think I always kinda did." She replied, still staring pensively at some point in the sand. "I always knew I was a bit different, you know. For some reason, temptation never seemed to affect me the way it affected other people. Not the same kinds of temptation anyway…Strange as it sounds, I always seemed to get into trouble because I cared too much." She looked back at him, a small smile on her face. "I always felt different. I wonder if someone told me when I was little, and I was just always stuck on that, kinda subconsciously, you know." Something interesting in her internal memoirs must have caught her curiosity, because her smile was replaced by the same pensive look she'd worn earlier. "You know, now that I think about it, I've never been afraid of the dark."

Riku wanted to say something about this, makes some joke about how she was plenty girly enough in other ways, or at least comment on the irony of that statement, but he also felt that if he dared to tease her, she wouldn't elaborate, and the moment would be lost.

"There was this one time when I was little, seven or eight, I guess, when the power went out because of the storm, and were were in our basement, watching a movie, you know, because there's no windows down there, so it's the perfect place, but when the lights went out, it was pitch black." She giggled softly. "Mom was terrified. She started holding me and yelling at Dad to go find a flashlight. And even Dad was a little frazzled by it all. But, you know," and here her eyes grew thoughtful and wise again. "I was only really confused when Mom started telling me not to be scared; that everything would be okay. I didn't see what was to be so scared _of_." She looked back at him, and Riku saw again that curious depth in her eyes that looked simultaneously old and wise, yet young and innocent. It occurred to Riku then that though Kairi was on the cusp of sixteen, something in her heart had never, and would never, stop being a child. It reminded him of a little girl he'd met in a world he visited very briefly once while he'd been searching for Kairi. She said she was from another world, and had somehow ended up in this one. Something about a place called Spaer Oom, and Finchley…

AN1

"After all," her voice twinkled, and once again he was reminded of a music box, "Darkness has no power in and of itself. For what is darkness but the absence of light?"

Riku felt like he was in a sapphire trance. As he looked at those eyes, he wondered why he had never seen before that she was a Princess of Heart. He could feel it; physically _feel _it—the light radiating from her heart.

But with that light came illumination in his own heart, and he felt a bitterness rising within at a sudden thought. "When you lost your heart," he said, stubbornly refusing to tear his eyes away from hers, even though he desperately wanted to, "why did it go to Sora's?" Kairi blinked, and her expression changed to something the meaning of which he found impossible to divine. "Was it because he was the keyblade master?" He pressed on, sensing that she _really_ didn't want to talk about this. But he honestly had to know. He had to get this painful discussion out of the dark. It just had to be said. "And since that stupid thing was _supposed_ to be mine, would your heart have come to mine if I hadn't screwed up and lost it to Sora?"

He saw something flash across Kairi's face—something like resignation mixed with regret. Her eyes fell and she sighed. "That has nothing to do with it."

"Yeah, that's what I figured," Riku said harshly, and Kairi's eyes relocated to his as she searched his face for a reason for his bitterness.

"Riku…" She tried, trying to salvage the situation.

"It was because you love him, don't you?"

Kairi's eyes widened and she quickly looked away, lips pursing and breath quickening. "I didn't come here to talk about him," she said, quietly but sternly. Her reaction only served to further aggravate Riku.

"But it's true, isn't it?"

The frustrated look on Kairi's face intensified. "I don't want to talk about _that._" She stated, louder this time, and firmer.

Riku leaned closer. 'Well too bad, because I do."

Kairi finally rounded on him, and he could see that her cheeks were burning scarlet. "If you're asking then you already know the answer. I know Sora tells you everything anyway."

"Not anymore." Riku sat back, staring out to sea. It was starting to get lighter. "He's as scared to bring this whole thing up as you are." He said harshly, "Don't see how it's ever going to fix anything if no one's going to--"

"What is there to _fix_?" Kairi exclaimed in exasperation. "What do you want from me?" Her eyes seemed more like crystals than ever, they certainly seemed as hard.

His eyes stared back just as firmly. "I want you to admit it!"

"Fine!" Kairi all but shouted, tears making their way into the corners of her eyes as she glared at him, frustration oozing out her pores. "Yes, I love him! But I had hoped that you'd realize that I loved you too!"

Riku gave her a dark grimace. "But not the way you love him." Kairi let out an exasperated sigh and her head drooped as she shook it, and it occurred to Riku that she looked tired. She turned her head and stared at her feet. "No," she finally said, sighing. "Not the same way I love him." She turned tired eyes back to him. "You are my dearest friend, you know. And you always will be, no matter what you do, or how much I love Sora."

As Riku turned away, grunting sarcastically, she grabbed his arm, begging him to hear her out. "I wanted to love you." She pleaded, her voice, barely above a whisper, betraying that she was on the verge of tears. "I wanted to love you both, but I couldn't…It doesn't work that way."

He finally looked her in the eye and saw the earnestly shining there. "I'm always going to love you though. Even if it isn't the same way I love him."

Riku sighed. "I know. I just had to hear you say it…I had to know that you could love him…but still forgive me."

The response he received was not one he had been expecting. Kairi's dainty hand tattooed a handprint on his cheek.

He blinked at her. "When are you going to learn? I'm always going to forgive you, no matter how bad it is." She was smiling softly at him.

"Even if I tried to kill you?" Riku asked quietly, still unsure.

Kairi's gentle smile grew. "Haven't you basically already done that?"

Then to his surprise, she took his face in her small hands, and gently sweeping his bangs out of his eyes, she planted a small, soft kiss to his forehead. Riku felt blood rush into his cheeks.

Still smiling softly she settled back into her place on the ground and stared out on the waters, which were beginning to glow blue as the light continued to stretch over the hill, bathing the beach in cool light.

"Are you an angel?" Riku asked softly. He knew it sounded silly, but he meant it seriously, so he was relieved when Kairi answered seriously.

"I'm not perfect," she answered, her voice chasing a whisper.

Riku couldn't help but smile. "Angels aren't perfect. Lucifer was an angel once, after all."

"I still don't think I'm an angel," she said, blushing.

Riku's smile grew. "I do." And indeed he did. Perhaps that was what a Princess of Heart was in a way—some kind of angel. Maybe not even all of them. Maybe just Kairi. Maybe without even knowing it she was some kind of angel; some kind of celestial being sent to earth to remind people like him that forgiveness was not beyond his grasp. Perhaps she was some kind of guidance, someone to show him that he wasn't unforgivable. Like Raskolnikov's Sonia, there to show him he was not beyond salvation. Or perhaps more like Lewis's Spirits, who journeyed to the Valley of the Shadow of Life to guide the ghosts back to the mountains.

AN2&3

He wondered if it was possible to be an angel without even knowing it. Because he was almost certain Kairi was some kind of angel.

"I should probably go." Kairi said, standing up. "I hate getting up early, and I'm thinking that going back to bed sounds pretty good."

Riku watched as she made her way across the bridge and then across the beach. Meanwhile the colors of the sunrise were wrapping across the sky. But Riku saw one last cool grayish morning light beam down on the beach and illuminate Kairi, and Riku could have sworn that—for a split second—he saw wings.

_-&-fini-&-_

AN1: I am refering, of course, to Lucy Pevensie from The Chronicles of Narnia; whose timeless childlike faith I find inspirational to say the least.

AN2: "Like Raskolnikov's Sonia..." Reference to Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostovesky. Sonia was a Christian prostitute (I know it sounds weird, but she was in desperate circumstances, and took up a job as a harlot because she had no other choice) who guided the murderer Raskolnikov to salvation.

AN3: "Or Lewis's spirits..." Reference to The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis, which I also highly reccomend.

So, how did I do? Feedback and critique are mush appreciated, and I adore when people point out typos. No matter how carefully I proofread, I always miss something. So, I fully intend to write a straight kaiku one day, but for now, enjoy this. Thanks.

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